Mama Bin Cranky

Screaming on the Inside

My Husband and My Projects

Posted by madjillmom on December 30, 2009

I am trying to handle these things, these yearnings I have in an appropriate way, but it is hard for me. For reasons I do not understand, I have projectitis. Since our holidays began about 2 weeks ago, the yearnings or aggravation has been bubbling up and I have been trying to handle these things in a constructive way, without being bitchy and raising my voice.

I have tried to put myself to work doing some of the projects that I have on my list. This started a few days before Christmas when I took some leftover paint to paint my old office (slated to be husbands new office of pool table room in the future). I quickly covered a wall with a first coat, covering up the faux technique I did many years ago. The paint is good but not right for the space, so I started thinking I could use in my small bath and fix some spots in the living room and stairwell where a boo-boo happened a few months ago. There the options brewed in my head for several more days.

On Christmas Day, I straightened our closet as it was closing in on me. Husband said nothing. I wrote down the giveaways for tax purposes and put it all in a part of the garage for dropping off someday soon.

On Boxing Day, while the others were at the movies seeing something I really didn’t want to see, I began constructing a wall mounted table in our laundry closet over the washer and dryer. I have wanted this project for several years. It was finished but not painted by 10 pm with my husband’s help after the movie. The next day was our Christmas Meal day when some girlfriends came to visit.

Yesterday, I cleaned out under our bathroom sink and patched a large cutout that was leaking cold air from the walls or something. It has been there since we moved in 10 years ago. My husband recently mentioned the cold draft while shaving in front of the sink. As again, my husband said nothing while I did the work but did dutifully empty the garbage after the project.

Today, the family planned a lunch trip to the favorite local mexican food restaurant. I stayed behind and scraped the popcorn ceiling from our small bathroom. This is because I want to paint the room, but won’t paint without removing the horrible ceiling. It is now a rule that the awful job of taking off the popcorn must be done if you are repainting a room. This rule is mine and not my husbands. So I took a muscle relaxer, got the spray bottle, and scraped the little ceiling, took down the disgustingly dirty A/C vent, and am cleaning up to prepare for painting the small room with a brush. My husband’s main comment was why was I taking down the towel racks. I mentioned yesterday that I want a larger shelf above the toilet for towels to relieve some of the storage problems we have in the small bath. I then later told him I was going to scrape the ceiling and paint the bath. He didn’t voice any objection, nor offer to help. So I started the project this morning. This whole thing begins to fall under the “seek forgiveness” instead of “ask permission” scenario. Even though I show all signs of having projectitis, he doesn’t seem to notice. Later today, I will paint. Tomorrow I will install shelf.

This long post really has to do with only one project I want done, or at least begun. We have lived in this house for over ten years. During that time, our pool table has inhabited what space there is for a dining table. That has been ok but now I want it to change. A table we bought sits in our garage. For this whole holiday time, I have tried to get the pool table taken apart and moved to the garage so that I can serve a meal at the new table. I have consulted the internet and know that taking apart a pool table is a big job. My husband is not on board with this notion. It will save us several hundred dollars when we call out some people to move the table, put it back up in a new room, and re-felt the table. Our young sons will soon be back at school and then there is no chance to get the table moved. I have even taken to boycotting game playing with our kids and friends until I have a table I do not have to squat around to play games at.

I have put this campaign in high gear trying to get my way. In the past, I would just duke it out with husband, but I am trying to be a better person to him. I am beginning to wonder if I can continue doing it this way. Perhaps I may have to revert to screaming and door slamming to get this done.

Females are the civilizing force in this world. Renovations and change are not usually brought up by the male of the species unless he is gay. I have been married to this man for over 29 years. He always resists change and remodeling/renovation. It always requires an exhaustion of forcing my will on whatever project I deem necessary. Usually he ends up helping, though often under duress. But always, after the project is done, he likes it. Usually he likes it a lot. In fact, he is the one that shows off the project to friends and family. After almost 30 years, why do I have to beg or scream when a project needs doing.

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